Bump Life Studios remembers, raises awareness for pregnancy and infant loss

MADISON — Oct. 15 was National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and Bump Life Studios decided to do something special to remember the precious lives cut short, help raise awareness for these losses and support the parents who must cope with having a piece of their family in heaven.

Owners Paul and Victoria Brown have experienced this hardship firsthand and are dedicated to helping others who find themselves in the same situation. In addition, the Browns said they want to help mothers connect with their babies before they arrive “because that moment of life is very precious.”

“It takes a million things for a pregnancy to happen, and if one of those things goes wrong, then unfortunate things happen,” Paul said.

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared the month of October that year as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day began as a campaign in 2002 and is now recognized annually in several countries, including the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Italy, Norway, Kenya and parts of Australia.

“Sometimes people forget about how important this day is, and the only people who really have experienced the pain, the pain never leaves,” Paul said. “The loss never leaves.”

Paul and Victoria said they both struggled to cope with their two miscarriages. Victoria recalled feeling “really alone” in her struggle, especially since hardly anyone in her family had ever experienced it, let alone understood it. By the time she was faced with her second miscarriage, however, she had found plenty of resources and others to talk to about it. From there, she knew she wanted to help others in her position.

“I just felt compelled,” Victoria said. “I remember standing on a street corner, and it was God saying, ‘You have to share this.’ It’s been a crazy journey of just that part of everything.”

Through Victoria’s struggle, Paul was fighting his own battle against grief. Even today, Paul said he still “deals with stuff on a daily basis.”

“A lot of people—they forget about the guys in the process too,” Paul said through tears. “We go through it just as much, you know? This really is a piece of our heart that we’ve lost and everything, and everybody who unfortunately has to experience something like this, they can all relate.”

Several guests were invited to Bump Life Studios to provide extra services and advice on the big day, including doulas and a lactation consultant from Crestwood Medical Center. The main attraction, however, was the wall of puzzle pieces. Paul said the puzzle pieces will fit together on the wall as a representation of all the young lives together in heaven.

Hannah Ellis, a doula who has had her own experiences with miscarriages and infant loss, said she was grateful to the Browns for creating a space to support parents and remember their losses. Both Chazmyn David and her husband said they were thankful as well.

David attended the ceremony for the puzzle pieces and made one for “Baby David,” who she said was her first late-term loss.

“I think I never really realized how much I was still grieving,” David said. “I have my son, and I have (another baby on the way), but that was our first late-term loss.”

Some puzzle pieces had as many as four or six names written on them. Something many of the participants stressed was how much parents come to love a baby well before birth and how painful it is if something goes wrong.

“One thing I notice is a lot of people who have not experienced loss themselves, they look at it as ‘Well, you can always try again,’ and it’s like, ‘Yeah, but I still had an attachment to this. I had a belly. I had an ultrasound,’” David said.

Participants in the puzzle piece ceremony all agreed that it is important for everyone to erase the stigma surrounding miscarriages and infant loss. Elise Schultz, who brought two of her children to the puzzle piece ceremony, advised women to be brave in sharing their personal stories.

“Some women are uncomfortable sharing, but they see the women that feel the strength to share, and they can gain their strength from that,” Schultz said.

For Ellis, being faced with loss while longing to add on to her family has been “part of the thing that’s been hard.” Her first son, Elijah, was born with Down syndrome and multiple heart defects. Ellis said he passed away just five hours after his birth. She remembered her husband buying Elijah a toy shortly after he had passed, which Ellis found confusing.

“He was like, ‘I just had to because I can’t ever buy him anything,’” Ellis recalled. “It’s hard.”

Following the birth of her now 7-year-old son, Gabriel, Ellis also experienced two early miscarriages in Jesse and Michael. She decided to honor Elijah, Jesse and Michael with a puzzle piece on the wall.

“I think the biggest thing is to know that none of us are alone,” Ellis said. “This is a story that’s repeated over and over, and people who don’t talk about it sometimes are hiding the biggest hurts.”

Ellis advised all parents to love their babies no matter how long or short their lives may be.

“They’ll never regret pouring that love, whether it’s a few hours or days or weeks or anything,” she said.

Ellis also noted that it is normal to have fear going into a new pregnancy after a miscarriage, but many women can still have healthy, successful pregnancies even after a miscarriage. A widely used term for a baby born after a mother has previously suffered a miscarriage is “rainbow baby.” Ellis, Schultz and David all have healthy children despite suffering losses. Today, the Browns have two healthy children for which to be thankful.

For those who are still struggling with a loss, Ellis suggested journaling, specialized counseling and finding a supportive forum to share stories.

Bump Life Studios is a women’s wellness center that works to “treat a woman from head to toe, inside and outside.” They also celebrated the day with several discount specials for their customers. Paul said they plan to continue the wall each year in remembrance of the young lives lost, and Victoria noted that they are considering offering classes for fathers to help them become good support during the mother’s pregnancy and delivery.

“Our ultimate goal is we want to raise awareness and help everybody to heal because you never fully heal,” Paul said. “You still have the scar. By coming together and grieving and growing together and supporting each other, it can help us to … be able to manage it.”

For more information on the center and the services they provide, visit bumplifestudios.com.

Bump Life Studios is located at 540 Hughes Rd. Suite 8 in Madison.